Thank Goodness for doctors who listen to me.
As I mentioned in a prior blog, I had put a stop to finishing up on Logan's diagnosis last year. I did it for a few reasons. First, the educational assessor who saw him felt that I didn't need to continue on unless I was looking for medication to help him. At that point, I wasn't, so I figured that it was best to just put a hold on it. He was on their radar, given his difficulties last spring, and they knew I was keeping an eye on it.
Secondly, I was feeling very overwhelmed, though at that point, I didn't realize that was how I was feeling. I had just been diagnosed myself, given a new medication and now I was being told that my oldest son might have ADD/ADHD but that it probably wasn't necessary to move forward. Just being diagnosed was overwhelming on it's own. It was tough and great at all once.
This year, already in school, we are seeing Logan's difficulties coming through. His desk is a disorganized disaster (much like mine was as a kid), he's struggling with reading, he loses interest quickly and is having trouble keeping up now, unless I'm on him, making sure he's getting the things done that need to be done. I know that for now, it's okay to be helping him, but I also know that in the future, I won't be there for everything. One day, I will have a job and won't be here after school to make sure his spelling words are written down or he's taken the proper notes to study for a test. He needs to learn to stand on his own and take some responsibility for his difficulties and how he handles them.
My greatest wish is that he is successful and confident. He has the confidence thing down, but I'm afraid that as school moves forward and he keeps getting negative feedback because we aren't sure of how to handle what's going on in his brain, that he will lose that confidence. That he will become withdrawn and depressed. And I don't want to see my vibrant, happy, confident little boy go that direction.
So, I talked to our family doctor last week regarding getting him re-referred to the clinic we had started with initially. He was willing, but given that he was inexperienced, he thought it would be best to talk to our pediatrician to see if they would re-send the referral they sent last spring. I waited for a few days to hear from them and they didn't get back to me. My home phone isn't working properly, so I gave them my cell number. They didn't call that, but left a message on my home phone line.
I found out that yes, they sent the referral back to the hospital. YAY!! One thing done.
I've been working with his school, and they are willing to do the two tests that the Grey Nuns asked be done by the school. So...that's a second thing done.
Now, we just have to wait for the hospital to get back to us, give me the package they require to assess him, fill that out and hopefully we will be on the right track.
My little man needs help. He needs strategies to help him move forward.
But he also needs a place to channel some of that energy that runs through his mind all the time.
So we put him into Biathalon. It was easily one of the best ideas we've ever had. He's such an active kid and has a natural aptitude towards skiing already. We had put him onto downhill skis at 23 months and he had it down by the end of the time his dad worked with him. Cross country skiing was an easy transistion and as long as he pays attention, he does really well.
So biathalon seemed like a natural way to go. It combines cross country skiing with shooting a .22 rifle. We took him to his first session last weekend and he was able to figure out the air rifles and how to make them work immediately. Not a shock for a kid who has amazing skills with his hands. He's always been amazing with his hands. He could open bottles and such when he was 11 months old. He's been able to work tools since he was at least 2. So the mechanism of the rifle wasn't a challenge. They even let him shoot the .22 rifles, but they were a bit too big for him. By the end of the hour long session, he was shooting the air rifle, 5 out of 5 hits. Amazing. I couldn't have done that in a million years.
He's an amazing kid with incredible skills. It's going to be a matter of tapping into how he sees the world and how it can help him learn. Apparently, he does his best work with shooting and skiing. I'm incredibly proud of him, and his ability to just move through life, day by day, confident and happy. He's a terrific kid with an amazing heart and he cares about anyone who moves through his life, whether they are there for a minute or a lifetime.
I've always known there was something incredibly special about my Logan. And everyday, through all of the frustration and difficulties, he proves that he is able and willing to break through and fight his way forward. His goals are lofty, but not impossible. Michael Phelps is a world class athlete with dozens of medals behind him and he suffers from ADHD. Finding that thing...that one thing that can help a child with ADHD focus his/her attention on can be so amazing. Logan's ability in biathalon has been a real eye opener for me. I see where I feel the exact same way about things. I do my best behind a camera. It calms me. It focuses me. I see things that other people might not necessarily see through a lens. That's why I'm so obsessive with it. Because it calms me. That's a big epiphany.
As I was writing this blog, I received a phone call from his school. They have been discussing him with the Inclusive Learning Program and they have given me an alternative group to call and get his assessment moving forwards. It's so exciting and wonderful to feel like I'm being listened to and how much assistance Logan is getting from his doctors and school. It's empowering and encouraging.
So. In the meantime, I do my best to help my boy. Keep him moving forward, listen to his words and see past the difficulties to help him find the strength to move forward and surpass his disability. He has it in him. I've always known that.
My other two have the same abilities, just not the struggles ahead of them in the future. Mind you, with how Grady NEVER EVER sits still...God only knows. The kid is insane. Olivia is learning in leaps and bounds, and she just thrills me when I watch her learn something new and the pride she feels in that moment. There is nothing more important in my life than watching my kids grow and thrive. I will do nothing less than my best for them, and nothing in this world, career, money, whatever, will ever stand in the way of me advocating for my children. I don't want to see my kids struggle with things that we can help them with. They will struggle in the future, they will fail. But those will be normal natural struggles and failures. I do NOT have to sit by and watch my children fail and struggle if I have the ability to guide them to the proper ways of achieving the best they can.
I hope that other parents feel this way and fight as hard for their children. And if they don't yet, perhaps one day they will realize how important it truly is and stand up and advocate. Nobody is a bad parent if they miss something and then have to fix it later. It's bad when you miss it, acknowledge it and NOT change it. Kids are so important. All of them. No child is born bad, no child is born unworthy of love, support and care. Being a parent is such a privilege. They are going to grow up, change and move away from me one day, and I will do my best to pass on to a generation a sense of responsibility, accountability and respect.
ADHD is a disability. It's a mental issue that takes time to work with. It's not an excuse. It's a hurdle to jump. It's a wall to climb. It's an ocean to swim. It's a reason to keep fighting and move forward daily, making oneself better and better. Showing the world that anyone can do what they work hard to do. We all learn differently. Even people without ADHD or any other learning disability. Some of us just have to work a bit harder to learn the same things.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
BIG BIG BIG Changes!
While this summer was a great summer of change for me personally, there were some things in the wings that wound up becoming things that will ultimately change our lives.
We moved into this condo almost 7 years ago. We were blessed with family who could help us buy it, and while we paid the mortgage, we were technically "renting" it. Over time, it was starting to feel like we could never assume the mortgage on our condo, but it was the original arrangement that we would when we could. We applied last year and were turned down, so when we went back to try again this year, I was very nervous. Due to some changes in the way Jeff was paid, we were approved for the mortgage on the condo! That in and of itself was so exciting!!
After a summer of back and forth between Jeff and the bank (they aren't used to how Jeff is paid and it caused some confusion) and many many many times where the bank should have followed through and didn't, the paperwork FINALLY went to the lawyer and in two weeks, this condo will be OURS! This is HUGE!! We really want to buy a new home in the near future, but we thought we'd need to be in our condo for a minimum of a full year before we could start looking.
Turns out, we were wrong! Because we've been in our condo for the past seven years, we will be able to spend the winter doing upgrades on flooring, walls and such, and then start looking for a real house in the spring! We are very lucky that life happened the way it did because it helps us get into the market a lot easier than it would have if we were considered first time buyers. We will already have enough equity in the condo next spring for us to be able to buy a new home relatively easily. It will be a challenge to find a home in the area we are in now. I love our neighbourhood. I love our school. I really think we've set down some pretty strong roots in our area, and leaving it just makes me sad. I don't want to start out in a new school, especially for Logan's sake, (I will get into that in a minute). Jeff and I were able to spend most of our lives in the same homes and we never changed schools until it was time to. I want my kids to have that security. It's very important to me.
As I have mentioned before, the main reason I was diagnosed with ADHD was because of Logan. I saw him struggling, noted that he needed help and reached out to start the process. After I spoke to an educational assessor about his needs, she felt that he didn't need to go a lot further in the process and so we put an end to the process at the Grey Nuns. Turns out, we need to go further into the process for Logan.
He's already struggling, and showing signs of having a very tough time. It's taking a lot of patience and understanding on my part, but his frustration grows as he struggles with his reading and writing. I feel really bad for him, because he wants so badly to be successful in school. He has the desire to learn and really wants to understand what he's learning. It's important to me that he get the enjoyment he wants for his schooling. He's so smart and so capable. But there's that block...and it's not getting better.
So we are back into the process. I think. I have a bunch of phone calls to make tomorrow and see what's happening in regards to resending his original referral to the Grey Nuns. My family doc is more than willing to send a referral, but he felt that if we could send the original referral, then it would speed up the process. The school is willing and able to test him more formally and send it on to the Grey Nuns as well and I am finding that the support I'm getting is wonderful. His teacher and I are in regular communication and I am hoping that knowing more about what we know will help him in the long run. It helps that I have ADHD too, and I've told him that of everyone in his life, nobody will understand him better than I will. It has helped him to know that there is someone in his life who can totally understand what he feels and how hard it can be.
In the realm of my own educational pursuits, I think I have finally come upon a career path that will be wonderful for me, and a career that my my suit me because of my ADHD.
In my researching for the LPN degree, I came across the Hospital Unit Clerk program. I can take this program at a number of places that do 14 to 27 week programs, but when my mother in law looked up information on the qualifications for that position, they asked for a one year program. Turns out, Grant Macewan University offers a 10 month program. Being that it's a university certificate, it makes me look better to employers and I have a much more comprehensive education to bring to the table.
Given my own people skills, my capability of organization (especially in the work place), my level of energy and capability of handling more than one thing at once, I think I would be very good in this position. I am eager to learn, eager to work and eager to work with a team. I like the idea of being an LPN, but I'm not sure that I want that type of responsibility. There is also the fact that I'd need to choose a place where I'd want to work and I can think of areas I'd love to work in, but there are always limitations. I couldn't work in an ER for a few years after getting my degree, I could never do pediatrics or maternity. I'd love psychiatric nursing, but that's a different degree altogether and Jeff isn't comfortable with the idea of me working with people who have the potential of being dangerous. Other areas would probably bore me to death, and others would affect me emotionally at a level that I probably couldn't handle. But if it had been the degree I'd have chosen and had a passion for, I'd have figured it out!
Being a unit clerk gives me the opportunity to work in a hospital, work with people but still not carry that PHYSICAL level of responsibility that being an LPN has. I'm not a fan of sticking needles in people and such. I want to be there, be a part of their experience in anyway I can help, but I'm not sure I want to be the one to draw blood and such.
And a hospital unit clerk makes about as much money as an LPN. It's worth it financially. And generally, the hours are a Monday to Friday, 9-5 type job. So I won't be missing out on life with my kids. It fits us wonderfully, and allows me to add financially to our family!
Logan has just started biathalon and turns out, he has a real aptitude for it. His first day, I watched my boy use a real gun for the first time! He was able to use the air rifles several times, and even got to shoot a .22 rifle. The .22 was a bit big for him, but he did well. By the end of the session, he shot 5 for 5 with the air rifle! He was so happy and just on cloud nine. He told me that out of 100, 100 being the best, he said that Biathalon was easily a 100! He came home and bragged to all of his friends about his experience and even was able to keep a couple of the .22 shells. So hopefully, that will help us to channel some of his attention issues. I've heard stories of many famous athletes who were able to find that specific sport that helped them focus their ADHD and do the best! Michael Phelps is a HUGE example of a person with ADHD who found his niche in swimming!
So, lots of big things happening in the next year. A new house (possibly sooner than we ever thought!!) a new career path and a new way of handling our little boy and his learning. Three HUGE life altering things. Add this to the rest of the day to day life things that happen, and we are in the middle of a great time in our lives. There has rarely been such a marvellous time, and after this summer, I had thought that it couldn't get better.
I guess I was wrong.
We moved into this condo almost 7 years ago. We were blessed with family who could help us buy it, and while we paid the mortgage, we were technically "renting" it. Over time, it was starting to feel like we could never assume the mortgage on our condo, but it was the original arrangement that we would when we could. We applied last year and were turned down, so when we went back to try again this year, I was very nervous. Due to some changes in the way Jeff was paid, we were approved for the mortgage on the condo! That in and of itself was so exciting!!
After a summer of back and forth between Jeff and the bank (they aren't used to how Jeff is paid and it caused some confusion) and many many many times where the bank should have followed through and didn't, the paperwork FINALLY went to the lawyer and in two weeks, this condo will be OURS! This is HUGE!! We really want to buy a new home in the near future, but we thought we'd need to be in our condo for a minimum of a full year before we could start looking.
Turns out, we were wrong! Because we've been in our condo for the past seven years, we will be able to spend the winter doing upgrades on flooring, walls and such, and then start looking for a real house in the spring! We are very lucky that life happened the way it did because it helps us get into the market a lot easier than it would have if we were considered first time buyers. We will already have enough equity in the condo next spring for us to be able to buy a new home relatively easily. It will be a challenge to find a home in the area we are in now. I love our neighbourhood. I love our school. I really think we've set down some pretty strong roots in our area, and leaving it just makes me sad. I don't want to start out in a new school, especially for Logan's sake, (I will get into that in a minute). Jeff and I were able to spend most of our lives in the same homes and we never changed schools until it was time to. I want my kids to have that security. It's very important to me.
As I have mentioned before, the main reason I was diagnosed with ADHD was because of Logan. I saw him struggling, noted that he needed help and reached out to start the process. After I spoke to an educational assessor about his needs, she felt that he didn't need to go a lot further in the process and so we put an end to the process at the Grey Nuns. Turns out, we need to go further into the process for Logan.
He's already struggling, and showing signs of having a very tough time. It's taking a lot of patience and understanding on my part, but his frustration grows as he struggles with his reading and writing. I feel really bad for him, because he wants so badly to be successful in school. He has the desire to learn and really wants to understand what he's learning. It's important to me that he get the enjoyment he wants for his schooling. He's so smart and so capable. But there's that block...and it's not getting better.
So we are back into the process. I think. I have a bunch of phone calls to make tomorrow and see what's happening in regards to resending his original referral to the Grey Nuns. My family doc is more than willing to send a referral, but he felt that if we could send the original referral, then it would speed up the process. The school is willing and able to test him more formally and send it on to the Grey Nuns as well and I am finding that the support I'm getting is wonderful. His teacher and I are in regular communication and I am hoping that knowing more about what we know will help him in the long run. It helps that I have ADHD too, and I've told him that of everyone in his life, nobody will understand him better than I will. It has helped him to know that there is someone in his life who can totally understand what he feels and how hard it can be.
In the realm of my own educational pursuits, I think I have finally come upon a career path that will be wonderful for me, and a career that my my suit me because of my ADHD.
In my researching for the LPN degree, I came across the Hospital Unit Clerk program. I can take this program at a number of places that do 14 to 27 week programs, but when my mother in law looked up information on the qualifications for that position, they asked for a one year program. Turns out, Grant Macewan University offers a 10 month program. Being that it's a university certificate, it makes me look better to employers and I have a much more comprehensive education to bring to the table.
Given my own people skills, my capability of organization (especially in the work place), my level of energy and capability of handling more than one thing at once, I think I would be very good in this position. I am eager to learn, eager to work and eager to work with a team. I like the idea of being an LPN, but I'm not sure that I want that type of responsibility. There is also the fact that I'd need to choose a place where I'd want to work and I can think of areas I'd love to work in, but there are always limitations. I couldn't work in an ER for a few years after getting my degree, I could never do pediatrics or maternity. I'd love psychiatric nursing, but that's a different degree altogether and Jeff isn't comfortable with the idea of me working with people who have the potential of being dangerous. Other areas would probably bore me to death, and others would affect me emotionally at a level that I probably couldn't handle. But if it had been the degree I'd have chosen and had a passion for, I'd have figured it out!
Being a unit clerk gives me the opportunity to work in a hospital, work with people but still not carry that PHYSICAL level of responsibility that being an LPN has. I'm not a fan of sticking needles in people and such. I want to be there, be a part of their experience in anyway I can help, but I'm not sure I want to be the one to draw blood and such.
And a hospital unit clerk makes about as much money as an LPN. It's worth it financially. And generally, the hours are a Monday to Friday, 9-5 type job. So I won't be missing out on life with my kids. It fits us wonderfully, and allows me to add financially to our family!
Logan has just started biathalon and turns out, he has a real aptitude for it. His first day, I watched my boy use a real gun for the first time! He was able to use the air rifles several times, and even got to shoot a .22 rifle. The .22 was a bit big for him, but he did well. By the end of the session, he shot 5 for 5 with the air rifle! He was so happy and just on cloud nine. He told me that out of 100, 100 being the best, he said that Biathalon was easily a 100! He came home and bragged to all of his friends about his experience and even was able to keep a couple of the .22 shells. So hopefully, that will help us to channel some of his attention issues. I've heard stories of many famous athletes who were able to find that specific sport that helped them focus their ADHD and do the best! Michael Phelps is a HUGE example of a person with ADHD who found his niche in swimming!
So, lots of big things happening in the next year. A new house (possibly sooner than we ever thought!!) a new career path and a new way of handling our little boy and his learning. Three HUGE life altering things. Add this to the rest of the day to day life things that happen, and we are in the middle of a great time in our lives. There has rarely been such a marvellous time, and after this summer, I had thought that it couldn't get better.
I guess I was wrong.
Time For Re-Evaluation
It's been almost six months since my ADHD diagnosis. There have been some huge changes. And there have been a few times I should work a bit harder to make some of my changes far more permanent.
Since being diagnosed with ADHD, and starting the meds, I've managed to lose around 30lbs. That was diet change, adding more activity to my life, getting on a better sleep regimen, and really, positive thinking. Those made huge differences in my life. I DO feel better, I often sleep better, I enjoy how I look, and I'm all around happy.
But things changed a bit. It's easy to learn a new routine in the summertime, when the kids are free from school, I don't have to be up and going every morning, and there are huge changes looming on the horizon.
Since school started, I've had to get better at getting up in the morning for school. I suck at mornings. Always have. Ask my dad. I was never good at them. I've never improved much either. I'm back to getting up in the morning, getting the kids off in a rush, and then thinking of, honestly, oftentimes, going back to bed for a nap.
My diet took a hit. Like a bit hit. I am definitely not eating as well as I was, and it's starting to show. I've gained back about 10lbs in the past two weeks, and that's due to things like eating large pieces of cheesecake (my kryptonite) and my meals have been getting larger again. I think it's time to get back onto my lighter diet, back to my smoothies with protein powder in them, and cereal with coffee (decaf...always decaf) in the mornings.
My activity level dropped. It's far easier to sit around the house when there isn't camping, hiking, biking, parks, etc to do. We were so active this summer. And of course, sitting around the house equals eating more. I've been going to the gym sporadically, and trying to get Grady out to playgroups and stuff. But because I'm not doing the morning thing really well, I don't feel up to going out in the mornings. I need to get out in the mornings. If I do that, then I'm more likely to stay up and be productive and active.
On my medication front, that's working overall, except the Concerta is causing me such a jittery feeling now that I don't even want to take it. But I will press on until I see my doctor in October and have him drop the dosage down. It's just too much. And forget it if I take it and don't work out or at least do something within the hour. I talk more, but I'm still more focused. It's a mix of problems and I think it needs to be addressed. I've been skipping it a few days on occasion and it's not good because not only do I skip that med, I skip the rest. I regretted it today. I wound up with an upset stomach after months of almost no stomach issues since being on the Prevacid and enzyme.
I want to investigate the possibility of a sensitivity to a food or additive. Gluten, yeast, lactose, I'm curious if any of these could be affecting my digestive system. I might just feel a lot better if I find a way to manage those foods and how they affect me. I've done some research and in my Happy Weight group, we talked about sensitivities and how they can affect our moods, bodies and weight. I will go see the Naturopath at my psychiatrist's office and while it's a bit expensive, I think we can manage it and use our health spending bill to write it off. Then maybe, we will have some answers about my digestive system.
So it's time to re-evaluate my diet, my moods and my activity level. Work a bit harder to take care and make sure I'm doing the best I can for myself, which ultimately will make things best for the family. It's not easy though. Those little demons are still there and I am letting them win. That's a bad thing. I need to fight them a bit harder. It's just tough, when there are so many other things on my mind right now. Those things are going to take up another blog. That way, it's not so overwhelming to write and read!
But everyday is another day. A step backwards is an opportunity to bring myself forward and learn something new that might help even more. I have been looking up programs on my phone that could help me do some tracking, one of them is a diet tracker, the other is a step tracker. I found out today that in just 21 minutes on the treadmill, I do up to over 3,000 steps! I need to figure out a way to use it though, where I don't have to hold my cell phone to use that step tracker program.
I admit, I'm rather surprised at how hard it hit me when I saw the scale and my weight. I was really very proud of myself when I was 30lbs lighter. Now I'm only 20lbs lighter, and I knew something was up. I could see it in my tummy. I wasn't feeling as confident anymore. Crazy how much that affects mood. I didn't realize just how much it affected me. So, now I know something new about myself. I really DO feel proud of myself!! I feel GOOD about the things I've accomplished and falling back to old habits feels bad now, and I don't enjoy them like I used to.
Sometimes, a little re-evaluation can be such a good thing. So eye opening and while not comfortable, it can be comforting to know that I can make the changes, maintain the changes and while falling back feels bad, I know I have the tools to know how to manage the feelings and move forward again.
Here we go again!
Since being diagnosed with ADHD, and starting the meds, I've managed to lose around 30lbs. That was diet change, adding more activity to my life, getting on a better sleep regimen, and really, positive thinking. Those made huge differences in my life. I DO feel better, I often sleep better, I enjoy how I look, and I'm all around happy.
But things changed a bit. It's easy to learn a new routine in the summertime, when the kids are free from school, I don't have to be up and going every morning, and there are huge changes looming on the horizon.
Since school started, I've had to get better at getting up in the morning for school. I suck at mornings. Always have. Ask my dad. I was never good at them. I've never improved much either. I'm back to getting up in the morning, getting the kids off in a rush, and then thinking of, honestly, oftentimes, going back to bed for a nap.
My diet took a hit. Like a bit hit. I am definitely not eating as well as I was, and it's starting to show. I've gained back about 10lbs in the past two weeks, and that's due to things like eating large pieces of cheesecake (my kryptonite) and my meals have been getting larger again. I think it's time to get back onto my lighter diet, back to my smoothies with protein powder in them, and cereal with coffee (decaf...always decaf) in the mornings.
My activity level dropped. It's far easier to sit around the house when there isn't camping, hiking, biking, parks, etc to do. We were so active this summer. And of course, sitting around the house equals eating more. I've been going to the gym sporadically, and trying to get Grady out to playgroups and stuff. But because I'm not doing the morning thing really well, I don't feel up to going out in the mornings. I need to get out in the mornings. If I do that, then I'm more likely to stay up and be productive and active.
On my medication front, that's working overall, except the Concerta is causing me such a jittery feeling now that I don't even want to take it. But I will press on until I see my doctor in October and have him drop the dosage down. It's just too much. And forget it if I take it and don't work out or at least do something within the hour. I talk more, but I'm still more focused. It's a mix of problems and I think it needs to be addressed. I've been skipping it a few days on occasion and it's not good because not only do I skip that med, I skip the rest. I regretted it today. I wound up with an upset stomach after months of almost no stomach issues since being on the Prevacid and enzyme.
I want to investigate the possibility of a sensitivity to a food or additive. Gluten, yeast, lactose, I'm curious if any of these could be affecting my digestive system. I might just feel a lot better if I find a way to manage those foods and how they affect me. I've done some research and in my Happy Weight group, we talked about sensitivities and how they can affect our moods, bodies and weight. I will go see the Naturopath at my psychiatrist's office and while it's a bit expensive, I think we can manage it and use our health spending bill to write it off. Then maybe, we will have some answers about my digestive system.
So it's time to re-evaluate my diet, my moods and my activity level. Work a bit harder to take care and make sure I'm doing the best I can for myself, which ultimately will make things best for the family. It's not easy though. Those little demons are still there and I am letting them win. That's a bad thing. I need to fight them a bit harder. It's just tough, when there are so many other things on my mind right now. Those things are going to take up another blog. That way, it's not so overwhelming to write and read!
But everyday is another day. A step backwards is an opportunity to bring myself forward and learn something new that might help even more. I have been looking up programs on my phone that could help me do some tracking, one of them is a diet tracker, the other is a step tracker. I found out today that in just 21 minutes on the treadmill, I do up to over 3,000 steps! I need to figure out a way to use it though, where I don't have to hold my cell phone to use that step tracker program.
I admit, I'm rather surprised at how hard it hit me when I saw the scale and my weight. I was really very proud of myself when I was 30lbs lighter. Now I'm only 20lbs lighter, and I knew something was up. I could see it in my tummy. I wasn't feeling as confident anymore. Crazy how much that affects mood. I didn't realize just how much it affected me. So, now I know something new about myself. I really DO feel proud of myself!! I feel GOOD about the things I've accomplished and falling back to old habits feels bad now, and I don't enjoy them like I used to.
Sometimes, a little re-evaluation can be such a good thing. So eye opening and while not comfortable, it can be comforting to know that I can make the changes, maintain the changes and while falling back feels bad, I know I have the tools to know how to manage the feelings and move forward again.
Here we go again!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Don't Mess With Momma Bears!
I need a rant. I don't do this on my blog, mostly because I don't have a ton to rant about.
But tonight??? OMG!
Today, I went over to a friend of Olivia's house to ask if it would be okay if Olivia played at their home while I was out doing a favor for my mother in law. She agreed, and I packed up the boys to run my errands.
I had a lovely drive out to Leduc, watered the plants, took the boys to the mall and got Grady's hair cut. I went to Safeway, got some produce (I needed salad greens) and came home. Logan brought in the groceries, I went to the back to tell Olivia I was home and to come home for dinner soon. While Logan was putting away dishes, I went out to check on my garden.
Then the shit started.
I am a huge proponent of getting to know my neighbours. I want to know who lives around me. In my little block, there are six units. I have managed to get to know four out of the six of us. One neighbour, on the back corner, I have never met. But now I know what type of person lives there.
Olivia and her friend, Chloe, were sitting on the grass, probably 25 feet away from his yard. He leaned over his gate and told the girls that he's "sick of seeing you kids playing around my yard" and told them that they should play in front of their own yards or in their yards.
Okay, here's something:
First, they were in the common area. It was there that they were sitting on the grass, eating popcorn!
Second, they are two little girls. Six and eight. Seriously? Make you feel good? Asshat.
Third, our fenced in yards are quite small. Definitely not enough room for active kids. The area they play in is safe, no cars and such blowing through there. We live on a busy street, near a busy intersection. I love that they have the space to play over there.
So, I decided that Tuesday morning, I will be calling the management company and getting the official skinny on the deal. I figure this will happen again and this time, I will be armed with the knowledge. Don't worry. I KNOW what the rule is, I just want confirmation and I want the company to know that this man is harassing small children.
Yeah. So, that was the plan.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
IT HAPPENED AGAIN!
Different neighbour if you can believe this. Called out at Olivia and Chloe, while they were just scootering around on the back square. This time I went out to find out what the F was happening. Apparently, drunk and bat shit crazy is just the shit I needed today.
I went over there, my typical nice self. Only to have this insane bitch start blabbing off about the kids, ALL of them. Then she starts saying crap about Chloe's mom, about how Olivia was on her knees, watching under the gate while Chloe was being beaten. I'm like WTF!? So, I keep trying to get her to talk, meanwhile she's pointing at the kids, giving me weird gestures, saying things about them.
I figure I'm not getting the coherent story because she's not wanting to say nasty things in front of the kids, so I send them all to my house. In the meantime, the story gets crazier! Now she starts telling me that she's sure the mom is a crack whore, and to ask the little girl where her mom is. She said the last time she saw the mom was at 1:30 today and she hasn't seen her since. I was a little taken aback because I'd dropped off Olivia around that time and Chloe's mom was there. As far as I knew, she was there when I came back to tell Olivia I was home! It dawned on me about fifteen minutes later. She thinks it was ME!! I was the crack whore who came and then left. But by this point, she's so wasted she doesn't realize that it was me. And that I'm not Chloe's mom!
So, I have now figured out what was going on, so I kindly walk away saying I'll look into it. In the meantime she's been telling me how she's called 311 (???) (She had told the girls that she'd called the cops and they were in trouble) because she "didn't know what else to do". She also tells me about how my neighbour (Chloe's mom) must have another family somewhere else, because she has four kids. I said, no, she only has two. She was like, well she must have another family uptown somewhere. Then she tells me that she once saw my neighbour about three months ago, down near her (the drunk lady's) condo, yelling and crying over "Jose" who was being arrested. I told her, "They are Irish. They just moved over here a year and a half ago" trying not to laugh at the sight of my Irish neighbour yelling for Jose! Frig!!! She tells me that it has to be something. She's seen this all before. That I should ask Chloe where her mother is. While we are talking, on of the condos in the row she's talking about has Spanish style music going. So at least I know that there could be a "Jose" in that section.
Finally, after about 15 minutes, I figure out that I'm going to get nothing coherent out of the woman and I come home, tell the kids that everything is okay, it's not their fault. She's just a bit crazy and stay away from her. I took Olivia upstairs to get her story, make sure that she hasn't seen any abuse (I doubted about anyway) and then talked to Chloe, to make sure I understood the situation. I figured, I'll call my husband, rage about it, get over it and move on.
Nope.
I find out that two of the other kids who were there, have gone to their parents who have now gone over there. While THEY were there, she pointed out Chloe and called her an "idiot". She told them that THEIR 10 year old son (who by the way is an amazing little kid) was a fat annoying kid. My friend lost it on her.
I had to go tell Chloe's mom that her daughter had had this happen and was crying at my house again. I didn't want to do this. I had to tell them about a situation last night, that while she wasn't involved, needed to give her side of the story because the police had been called and Chloe deserved to tell her side of the story in case the police wound up on their doorway because they'd seen her with the kid that DID actually steal my OTHER friend's stuff.
I went over with Chloe's mom to show her where the lady lives, and she asked the lady what happened. As sweet as you please, she lied through her teeth telling the mom that she'd NEVER yell at children. (In the meantime, I've already found out that this isn't the first time this has happened) So I took Chloe's mom over to talk to the other parents, get what was said there, because she'd yelled about Chloe WHILE the other parents were there. She went and got Chloe and went over to see what she had to say then. The lady had the BALLS to tell Chloe's mom that she never did that and that Chloe is lying. Chloe was so indignant when they came back here. She started to cry! This lady is saying that 6 or 7 kids, ages 6-12 are ALL lying.
Okay. So. I'm not a shit disturber. I'm not. But twice in one day, some asshat has given MY child crap for being in a PUBLIC area of my complex. These kids have played out there ALL summer and now, less than 48 hours before they head back into school, this shit starts? Really? I admit, I'm totally not a confrontational person and I really did treat this lady with respect and listened to her, trying to get her story. Apparently, I should have gone over there, yelled my effing head off and perhaps I'd have gotten a bigger response. I don't know. This sucks. I love my neighbourhood. Until today, I felt totally safe letting my children play out back. But now. I'm shaken.
I'm depressed, I'm anxious, I'm upset. My children should never have to encounter this from ADULTS! I'm calling the management board for SURE now on Tuesday, and I want to get this sorted out. I want to be able to go back to these people if this shit happens again and TELL THEM the rules. I'm already sure of the rules, but a little back up will be nice. I will be walking back there tomorrow, taking unit numbers and launching a complaint. I'm not putting up with my kids being abused by strangers who apparently have nothing better to do than harass small children.
I'm seriously pissed off. The funny thing is that if you saw me right now, you'd never know it. Inside, I'm just writhing. I want to rip their faces off. I didn't know that this would be my reaction. I've never had this happen before.
I kind of like it! LOL
But tonight??? OMG!
Today, I went over to a friend of Olivia's house to ask if it would be okay if Olivia played at their home while I was out doing a favor for my mother in law. She agreed, and I packed up the boys to run my errands.
I had a lovely drive out to Leduc, watered the plants, took the boys to the mall and got Grady's hair cut. I went to Safeway, got some produce (I needed salad greens) and came home. Logan brought in the groceries, I went to the back to tell Olivia I was home and to come home for dinner soon. While Logan was putting away dishes, I went out to check on my garden.
Then the shit started.
I am a huge proponent of getting to know my neighbours. I want to know who lives around me. In my little block, there are six units. I have managed to get to know four out of the six of us. One neighbour, on the back corner, I have never met. But now I know what type of person lives there.
Olivia and her friend, Chloe, were sitting on the grass, probably 25 feet away from his yard. He leaned over his gate and told the girls that he's "sick of seeing you kids playing around my yard" and told them that they should play in front of their own yards or in their yards.
Okay, here's something:
First, they were in the common area. It was there that they were sitting on the grass, eating popcorn!
Second, they are two little girls. Six and eight. Seriously? Make you feel good? Asshat.
Third, our fenced in yards are quite small. Definitely not enough room for active kids. The area they play in is safe, no cars and such blowing through there. We live on a busy street, near a busy intersection. I love that they have the space to play over there.
So, I decided that Tuesday morning, I will be calling the management company and getting the official skinny on the deal. I figure this will happen again and this time, I will be armed with the knowledge. Don't worry. I KNOW what the rule is, I just want confirmation and I want the company to know that this man is harassing small children.
Yeah. So, that was the plan.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
IT HAPPENED AGAIN!
Different neighbour if you can believe this. Called out at Olivia and Chloe, while they were just scootering around on the back square. This time I went out to find out what the F was happening. Apparently, drunk and bat shit crazy is just the shit I needed today.
I went over there, my typical nice self. Only to have this insane bitch start blabbing off about the kids, ALL of them. Then she starts saying crap about Chloe's mom, about how Olivia was on her knees, watching under the gate while Chloe was being beaten. I'm like WTF!? So, I keep trying to get her to talk, meanwhile she's pointing at the kids, giving me weird gestures, saying things about them.
I figure I'm not getting the coherent story because she's not wanting to say nasty things in front of the kids, so I send them all to my house. In the meantime, the story gets crazier! Now she starts telling me that she's sure the mom is a crack whore, and to ask the little girl where her mom is. She said the last time she saw the mom was at 1:30 today and she hasn't seen her since. I was a little taken aback because I'd dropped off Olivia around that time and Chloe's mom was there. As far as I knew, she was there when I came back to tell Olivia I was home! It dawned on me about fifteen minutes later. She thinks it was ME!! I was the crack whore who came and then left. But by this point, she's so wasted she doesn't realize that it was me. And that I'm not Chloe's mom!
So, I have now figured out what was going on, so I kindly walk away saying I'll look into it. In the meantime she's been telling me how she's called 311 (???) (She had told the girls that she'd called the cops and they were in trouble) because she "didn't know what else to do". She also tells me about how my neighbour (Chloe's mom) must have another family somewhere else, because she has four kids. I said, no, she only has two. She was like, well she must have another family uptown somewhere. Then she tells me that she once saw my neighbour about three months ago, down near her (the drunk lady's) condo, yelling and crying over "Jose" who was being arrested. I told her, "They are Irish. They just moved over here a year and a half ago" trying not to laugh at the sight of my Irish neighbour yelling for Jose! Frig!!! She tells me that it has to be something. She's seen this all before. That I should ask Chloe where her mother is. While we are talking, on of the condos in the row she's talking about has Spanish style music going. So at least I know that there could be a "Jose" in that section.
Finally, after about 15 minutes, I figure out that I'm going to get nothing coherent out of the woman and I come home, tell the kids that everything is okay, it's not their fault. She's just a bit crazy and stay away from her. I took Olivia upstairs to get her story, make sure that she hasn't seen any abuse (I doubted about anyway) and then talked to Chloe, to make sure I understood the situation. I figured, I'll call my husband, rage about it, get over it and move on.
Nope.
I find out that two of the other kids who were there, have gone to their parents who have now gone over there. While THEY were there, she pointed out Chloe and called her an "idiot". She told them that THEIR 10 year old son (who by the way is an amazing little kid) was a fat annoying kid. My friend lost it on her.
I had to go tell Chloe's mom that her daughter had had this happen and was crying at my house again. I didn't want to do this. I had to tell them about a situation last night, that while she wasn't involved, needed to give her side of the story because the police had been called and Chloe deserved to tell her side of the story in case the police wound up on their doorway because they'd seen her with the kid that DID actually steal my OTHER friend's stuff.
I went over with Chloe's mom to show her where the lady lives, and she asked the lady what happened. As sweet as you please, she lied through her teeth telling the mom that she'd NEVER yell at children. (In the meantime, I've already found out that this isn't the first time this has happened) So I took Chloe's mom over to talk to the other parents, get what was said there, because she'd yelled about Chloe WHILE the other parents were there. She went and got Chloe and went over to see what she had to say then. The lady had the BALLS to tell Chloe's mom that she never did that and that Chloe is lying. Chloe was so indignant when they came back here. She started to cry! This lady is saying that 6 or 7 kids, ages 6-12 are ALL lying.
Okay. So. I'm not a shit disturber. I'm not. But twice in one day, some asshat has given MY child crap for being in a PUBLIC area of my complex. These kids have played out there ALL summer and now, less than 48 hours before they head back into school, this shit starts? Really? I admit, I'm totally not a confrontational person and I really did treat this lady with respect and listened to her, trying to get her story. Apparently, I should have gone over there, yelled my effing head off and perhaps I'd have gotten a bigger response. I don't know. This sucks. I love my neighbourhood. Until today, I felt totally safe letting my children play out back. But now. I'm shaken.
I'm depressed, I'm anxious, I'm upset. My children should never have to encounter this from ADULTS! I'm calling the management board for SURE now on Tuesday, and I want to get this sorted out. I want to be able to go back to these people if this shit happens again and TELL THEM the rules. I'm already sure of the rules, but a little back up will be nice. I will be walking back there tomorrow, taking unit numbers and launching a complaint. I'm not putting up with my kids being abused by strangers who apparently have nothing better to do than harass small children.
I'm seriously pissed off. The funny thing is that if you saw me right now, you'd never know it. Inside, I'm just writhing. I want to rip their faces off. I didn't know that this would be my reaction. I've never had this happen before.
I kind of like it! LOL
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