Is Failure An Option?

I bet you're all like "NO!  It is NOT an option!"

I KNOW my mother in law is yelling that.  It's okay Patti, let me explain.

I, respectfully, disagree.

Last night was my final ADHD group session.  And it was incredibly bittersweet.  It was wonderful to see how far I'd come, but I still crave a bit more support for the future.  One of our leaders of our group asked about what we'd learned.  I said that I felt great, but that I knew one day I would fail and that I was okay with that.

I was stopped by another member of the group who asked me why I would use the word fail?  It's such a harsh word.  This member didn't want to see me set myself up for failure, which was so heartening.  We'd just spent 10 weeks together, listening and helping, giving suggestions and really supporting each other.  Of course, none of us want to see one another fail.  

But to me, the word fail is just a word.  Yes, it's a harsh word.  I can't argue that.  

I explained to the other members of the group that to me, I needed a word that meant something to me.  Other words just don't see to be harsh enough for me to make me really move forward.  It's a word that gives me a kick in the ass.  

It's just a word.  It's the context in how I use the word that matters most.  I feel the same way about swear words.  I know people don't like them, but I find that again, it's context.  As long as I'm not using them in a derogatory manner, but maybe to express myself in a moment of pain, chances are, I'm not hurting anyone.  It's the same with the word fail.  I'm not using to hurt myself, or put too much pressure on myself.  I'm using it as a word that matters to me.  Motivates me.

I also have to assess what my standard is for failure.  I'm feeling a bit like a dish Nazi right now.  I get anxious when there are dishes in the sink.  That sounds silly to most, but in my past, leaving a dish in the sink, just putting off, procrastinating, makes it build up.  I'm working really hard at NOT procrastinating.  To me, procrastinating is a manner of failing.  Not doing it in the moment when I have a second to just touch it up, that's a fail.  I hate to admit that my dad and mother in law were right, but doing a bit at a time, everyday, keeps things tidy and neat.  (AGH!  That hurt to admit I was wrong.) 

These aren't MASSIVE failures.  They're just mistakes really, but in some cases, for me, right now, it's a fail.  

This doesn't mean I sit around and beat myself up.  I don't call myself a failure and go on and on about it.  I USED to do that.  That was unproductive.  Now, I just tell myself, okay, I failed.  Time to do it and then move on.  No more beating myself up.  I screw up.  It's just how I choose to express it.  

I am aware there are different ways to express this.  Falling back, stepping back, backsliding, however works for others.  But the word fail just gives me that boost.  That motivation.  I know.  It sounds like pressure I don't need.  I'm not sure about that.  I think I needed a bit more pressure.  I needed bit more motivation to move forward and I had to put more pressure on myself to do that.  

So.  Again.  Is failure an option?  

In my world, it is.