Even Bitches Can Teach Us Something

I have a friend who has a pitbull who just had a litter of puppies.  At first, she had eight, but unfortunately, one puppy died.  

I was talking to my friend, making arrangements for Logan to go to their home for a sleepover this weekend.  I had to ask about the puppies and their mom.  

She told me that when her bitch had 7 puppies, she seemed really overwhelmed.  Unfortunately, once again, they lost a pup, and the litter went down to 6.  After that, their dog noticeably relaxed.  However, 6 hungry, active puppies still make their mom very nervous and overwhelmed.  She's a first time mom, and while she's great at it, the pups are 3 weeks old and just a going concern.  So she needs her own space to have a "mommy time out" in her crate in the garage.  Just some quiet, away from her brood.

I said to my friend "Isn't is amazing how a dog knows when she's overwhelmed by her babies that she needs time out, yet us moms don't realize it until we're so stressed out, we don't know which way is up?!"  

So it sparked this blog.  

In the past five years, I've learned that I'm not Super Woman.  I'm a mom, a wife, a housekeeper, a cook, cleaning lady, nurse (not officially, but I can do boo boos like no one else) and I take on other various tasks and positions as needed.  

But I'm not Super Woman.  

I can't do it all.  I NEED time to unwind, relax and reconnect with myself.  

And guess what?  If you're a mom, you do too.  

You don't have to do it all.  You don't have to worry about every tiny little thing so that they build into an overwhelming mountain of anxiety, unhappiness and disconnect.  

I have had many many days where I've just wanted to tear my hair out by the roots, run naked down the street, screaming, while the men in white coats come and strap me down to a bed and take me to a psych ward.  

At least there, it would be peaceful.  I could think.  

But, that's not going to happen.  Especially not now.  I've finally gotten the clarity I've needed through therapy and my daily medications, that have helped me maintain my sanity, thus avoiding the white coats and psych wards!

I bet you're thinking "Oh yeah.  Sure.  I have work, kids, house, etc".  

So do I.  But I find ways.  Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

Here's what I do.  

Call a friend.  When was the last time you called a friend, went for coffee?  Had a real face to face with a friend, no kids yelling and asking for things.  Just you, a friend and adult conversation.  Take an hour or two.  It's very refreshing.

Or just call a friend.  See if there's a moment when the kids are quiet, (rare, I know) and just chat.  Talk politics, religion, books, movies, how you're feeling, how your friend is feeling.  Just...talk.  Avoid talking about Treehouse TV, Disney TV or any other child's show, unless it pertains to a more important and adult topic.

Take a bath.  Or, take a shower.  Whatever it is you need.  Put something in the tub.  Bath salts...or just Epsom salts.  Plain Epsom salts have relaxing qualities and aren't terribly expensive.  I know lots of crafty moms who could probably figure out how to make their own bath salts on the cheap!  Shave, wash your hair, scrub your day off and let it go down the drain!  The dishes are in the sink?  Who cares?  They'll be there tomorrow.  Laundry?  Phhhtt...whatever.  It doesn't do itself.  Just let it go.  Breathe.  

Find a guided imagery app for free on your phone.  Then plug in headphones, tune out the world and listen to the soothing voice, instructing you on how to breathe, what muscles to relax.  If the dishes or laundry float past, let them.  If the bills float past, let them.  Any thing else comes to mind...let it float by.  I've been told "if it's important, it will come back later."  Just focus on YOU!  Find some music that helps you relax, or just speaks to you.  Listen to your breathing.

Watch TV.  Pick something completely mindless, grab a drink of water and a healthy snack and let your mind free.  

When was the last time you saw a movie that didn't have bombs exploding or princesses saving kingdoms?  Can you think of one?  I can count on two fingers how many I've seen in the past six months that didn't have explosions or princesses.  

Take up a hobby you love.  Scrapbooking, blogging, gardening, photography, stamp collecting or underwater basketweaving.  Knitting, friendship bracelets, crocheting, you name it.  Did you have a hobby you had to let go of because of kids?  Pick it up again.  Most of the time, it's like riding a bicycle.  You can get it going again.  

Go for a walk.  By yourself, or with your partner.  Go outside, look at the trees.  Look at the clouds, stop and smell the flowers.  I'm talking literally.  Go to a park with a lake or pond and watch the birds glide across the water, or listen to the birds.  Watch the bugs skate across the water.  

Read a book.  Pick up something that you can sink into, put yourself into the part of one of the characters.  Delve into it.  Let your mind just take you to that place!

Whatever it is that you can think of that will help relax you, reconnect you to yourself, try it. Every single day, we have work, kids, house, family, friends, everything else that weighs on our minds.  We make excuses.  We don't have the time, we don't have the money, we don't have the energy.  I get it all...I have made every single excuse there is.  

The best way to raise healthy, happy children is to have a happy healthy mom.  Are you feeling depressed?  Perhaps that walk will help to bring you to thinking about why you feel that way.  And if you can pinpoint it, find someone you can talk to.  I find that having someone outside of my comfort circle is wonderful.  I can say whatever I want, without reproach.  Am I mad at someone?  Why hold it in?!  They can't/won't say anything.  They might even be able to help you figure out why you're angry with them.  Or if they are even a healthy influence in your life.  Sometimes, you gotta cut out the negative people who don't help you move forward.

Are you unhappy with yourself?  Why?  Self esteem?  Body image issues?  There is lots of help out there, you just have to grab it.  Unhappy in your marriage?  Why?  How do you think you can work on it?  Do you think your spouse would be open to help?  Do they feel the same way?  Want to change jobs?  Need more schooling?  These quiet moments are good times to assess your life.  Take stock of your needs and wants.  Count your blessings and thank the Heavens your family is healthy and you are too.  We focus too much on the negative, the guilt...Moms, we need to stop that!

So, like a dog, after a litter of puppies, we mommies need time for ourselves.  Our own crate in the garage, so to speak.  A time to reconnect with ourselves, a time to look in and take stock.  Everyday is a new day and even if it doesn't work the first time, try again.  Or try a different approach.  

And those changes, however small or large they may be, might not only help you reconnect with yourself and your body, mind and spirit, but also will help connect you with your family and friends.  

Don't neglect yourself.  You deserve your own space sometimes.