I rarely blog so much in one day, but today's been a real source of inspiration for me.
Today, my daughter had a moment that she didn't understand and upset her.
She was in a tree with a friend when she spotted a ladybug. Normally, Olivia's terrified of bugs, and not because of my own fears. I rarely express them other than in a joking sense when the kids are around. If anything, as long as the bug isn't hurting us, (or isn't a centipede or cockroach) then I'm very much a "live and let live" type of person.
When Olivia showed her little friend this ladybug, her friend picked it up and squished it, much to my daughter's horror. She came into the house, very unsure of how she should act. I heard her friend outside yelling "I'm sorry Olivia! I didn't mean to!" I didn't understand the situation, I thought perhaps there had been some accident and Olivia had been hurt.
But she wasn't crying the way she usually does when she gets hurt. This was a very unsure, upset and hurt little girl.
I said to her "What happened?"
I admit, I was a bit alarmed. This wasn't a typical response to getting hurt.
She told me the story, tearfully, as she found her blanket. I told her to come to me and we'd talk about it. I explained to her how not everyone treats nature and yes, bugs, the same way I do. Some people don't think of bugs as being helpful. I showed her pictures of some of the ladybugs we've had in our yard this year. They had the right effect and made her smile and start talking about ladybugs. I explained to her that yesterday, I learned that if I had aphids on my tomato plants, some gardening places sell ladybugs and they would eat the aphids, saving our tomato plants. Olivia's in love with tomatoes. The kid can eat an entire pint to herself and ask for more. I planted the tomatoes for Olivia.
After our talk about the ladybug, we went outside and checked the garden. I do this every single day. It's my peaceful moment, to look at what I'm growing, fell the pride in my new-found talent and marvel at the changes that happen overnight. We checked our dinner plate dahlia and to our surprise, there are FIVE buds. The older blossom needed some TLC after our recent hailstorm but seems to be doing really well now. Not as full as it had been, but doing better.
Then we went and looked in the garden. We tasted some of the leaves of the mint, chocolate mint, the stevia and the onions. We smelled the oregano, thyme and basil. We looked and saw blossoms on both tomato plants (there were only blossoms on one yesterday!) and found new blossoms on the cucumber plant. She told Logan about it and both of them came up with the idea of eating a piece of stevia and mint together. It tasted like gum!!!
I know that as time goes on, these types of experiences in their lives will be more difficult to "fix" and make them smile again. This was a small experience, but one that inspired a moment of love and learning. I wasn't raised with a consistent womanly influence in my life, I was mostly raised around men. I am not always attuned to Olivia's needs in the feminine sense of her life. I'm like most girls, I like flowers, rainbows, kittens, dresses, makeup and pink. But I'm also a bit rough around the edges. Olivia's got the capacity to be just as rough and tumble as the boys, but at the same time, she needs her girlie needs met more often. I'm finding that growing with her is just as much fun as watching her grow. Her desires for her "girlie" time has been a real joy to me. Makeup, dolls, flowers, cats and baby dolls. Talking about clothing, listening to her talk about her "love" of One Direction...it's been a fascinating journey of discovery.
I am hoping that as she grows and shows me her likes and dislikes, learns about life in the world and how hard it will be, that she will grow to understand that she always has someone to talk to. I will never turn any of my children away in a time of need. I know that just looking at ladybug pictures and talking about gardens will not always help to drive away the clouds on a bad day, but I know that as I'm using these small measures right now to drive away those clouds, I'm establishing a relationship that will endure and weather the toughest storms.
And everyday, I'm going to teach them that no matter what, life is important. Whether it's the tiniest flower or the biggest bug,(even cockroaches and centipedes) that oftentimes, it's just best to leave them alone. I want them to not only experience life in things like friends, games and books, but also the world at large. Learning to literally take time to smell the roses, take the time to learn to grow and nurture something, build something, take the time to learn about someone else. Teaching them that even when it seems like life is at its worst, that the people around you don't always understand or care about your life, that there is always something to experience, love, and nurture. There is always joy in helping others, even if the favor isn't returned in that moment, the payback is always just around the corner. People's opinions only matter if we let them.
Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. If someone does you wrong, you can get mad. You can cut them off. If one day, they come to you, apologizing for their wrong to you, why not forgive them? Why hold on to that pain? Learn to let go, live life. People will always come and go in life. How they let those people affect them is what's most important. Every person who has come into my life, for short or long periods of time, have always left an imprint on me and how I see the world. I've been incredibly blessed to have people in my life who were supportive, wonderful and loving, and I've been blessed to have people who were the exact opposite. Every one of those people have taught me something about myself and how I act in the world.
Life is full of rejections. Life is full of acceptance. Life is full of no, it's full of yes. The world isn't going to be easy on them. I pray, like I'm sure my own parents do, that life will be easier for them than it was for me. Not that my life was extraordinarily difficult, but like everyone, I had my own hurdles to cross, and I'm hoping that my kids will avoid most of them. But I also want them to understand that with love, understanding and communication, almost all hurdles can be crossed and can be moved past. Every hurdle has a lesson to teach us and how we take that lesson is the most important part.
I also want them to understand that in those moments of darkness, there is always someone to love them, care for them and be there for them. It will not always be me or their dad, but there is always someone, or even something, out there who loves or needs them. There is always light at the end of it all. Even in the darkest of moments, there is always some joy, a lesson to take with them, to help them grow and develop into the people they deserve to be. That in every negative moment, there is always a positive lesson that helps build us up, make us stronger, help us drive forward in a difficult world to live in.
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