In the past six months, there have been so many changes. If you've been reading my blog, you'll know most of them. It's been a real rollercoaster, but not necessarily in a bad way.
I've been able to focus on my weaknesses and find the solutions to them. I've focused on my strengths and hopefully, made them stronger. I've discovered things about myself that either I didn't know, or otherwise, forgotten. It's been enlightening, frightening, fun and hard. It's been a journey, and really, I'm only at the start of it. Six months isn't very much time in the grand scheme of things.
It's been nice to be allowed to focus on my well-being, both mental and physical. It hasn't always been easy though. There are days that have been far easier than others, and situations that I thought I had a hold of that in the long run, I hadn't found my niche yet. Those are okay though. I guess, after almost 35 year of living with ADHD, I'm not going to find the magic words, pill, whatever, to make everything 'normal'. Whatever that means.
So. Here I am today. Getting ready to try new things.
For the past couple months, I've kept a notebook and a day timer. The day timer hasn't been as consistent as I'd like it to be, but I'm working on it. I'm learning ways to manage it that will work for me. I'm sure to some people, it will look to be somewhat obsessive in the coming weeks, but it's the only way to make certain things habit. I have a concept of what I want and what I expect, but I also have to realize I don't live alone and the things that I expect might not always follow in line with how the rest of the people I live with attend to things. I hope that they are willing to accept that about me as well, and try to maintain whatever it is that I set up. I'm not asking for perfection, I'm asking for trying.
This week, I start a new medication. I'm excited about this. The Concerta wasn't working for me anymore, making me jittery, irritable, just unhappy most of the time. It wasn't very much fun. I've since talked to other people who have taken it, and found they felt the same. Others, it worked wonderfully for them. I'm one of the ones that it doesn't work for. It did for a period of time, but then it went downhill, rapidly. This last week without the meds has been mixed. It's been great, because frankly, I don't want to kill everyone. That's a massive bonus...for everyone. But I do know that as far as the focus was going, the meds were helping.
I make it sound like medication is my end all, be all. Trust me, it's not. It's a tool for the time being. I'm not sure the time period exactly, but it would sure be nice if there is an end to it. I'm a bit worried about starting a new med, because of the side effects, but in the long run, I won't know until I try. That's why I'm taking group therapy. I need to learn strategies in order to eventually come off the medications.
My group therapy is going magnificent. It's nice to meet people who understand and in some cases, even feel very much the same as you do. It's often hard to explain how ADHD affects me and my life. It affects relationships, my self esteem and how I function. I just have to find a new way of functioning. Good thing I love to learn!
So for the time being, still on the road and trying new things. Still finding occasional frustration, still really wishing that I didn't have to survive with ADHD. In the long run, it's fine. ADHD is a part of me. It's a part of who I am and can make me a super fun person to be around. I know that. But it can also make me frustrating. So...I work on the parts that can be frustrating, and keep the parts of me that are fun.
Oh. And I'm going to learn how to paint abstract art. I think that will be a really fun way for me to express myself. Perhaps I will get some of the mess in my brain onto a canvas. It's also a brand new skill to learn, so I will have to learn patience, techniques, take my time and try different things out to make my visions come to life. I doubt it will make much sense to others, but that's not the point. A lot of it just comes from a desire to focus on art and how I express myself through it. Expect to see a lot of weird things in the future. (HA!) And A LOT of color! Funny how something like watching a television series can turn on a light in one's brain. I've never seen myself as an artist, so to speak, however, recently, it's come to me that I really do have an artistic brain. I see the world differently, and it would be a really great thing to share it with the world. My photography, my painting, whatever way works, I sure hope it can be something worth sharing.
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