I took a fabulous therapy group this fall. It answered so many of my questions when it came to ADHD and how to handle it. Not all of us in the class had the same lifestyles, but we could all find solutions to our problems in our group.
I was very lucky to have another stay at home mom in my group who understood almost exactly how hard it can be to have an active preschooler, other kids and the rest of our lives behind it all. Add to it that our husbands work out of town and it was like it was meant to be.
One of the things that came up for the two of us was regarding how to handle it when life falls apart for a short period of time. Having ADHD poses its challenges on a normal day, but throw in all the unexpectedness of life, like sicknesses and injuries, and you're left with a mixture for disaster sometimes.
This just happened to us. It's been almost four straight weeks of sickness. It started 24 days ago when Grady started getting a cold. Our second cold in less than a month. That was plenty of stress right there, because when it comes to winter, once one of us gets it, we all get it. And really, I didn't need it.
Within 48 hours, I had Olivia home for two days. The Friday after that, Logan was home.
Okay. Take a breather, it will be okay. This was a short cold.
Except it wasn't.
Jeff came home the following Tuesday and by this point, Grady had now been sick for 8 days, showing no signs of getting better. But we just followed our instincts, kept him comfortable, gave him medication when he needed it, and rest if he really needed it. He'd been kicked out of the gym daycare for being a jerk for three straight weeks, so it wasn't like he needed to be anywhere.
By the next Sunday, we were now bordering on 14 days sick with Grady. He just wasn't clearing up. His sinuses were obviously congested, he was miserable sometimes, he just wasn't "Grady". A short break from Grady can be lovely. He's such an active, hyper, stubborn little man, so when he's down for a day, it's not so bad. I don't "like" it, but it's a relief sometimes to just sit on the couch and cuddle with my sick baby. However, after 14 days and no resolution, I start to worry. So I took him into the Stollery Children's Hospital to just get looked at. I know. Not an emergency, but when my options are three hours at the MediCenter to barely have them looked at, or three hours at the Stollery where they see a pediatrician, especially when it comes to Grady, I rather the Stollery.
I got him in, had him looked at. The doctor was lovely, quiet, and said that really there wasn't much else we could do other than what we had been doing, and add saline to the mix to see if we can't get things running a bit. Great. It took almost 5 minutes just to look in his ears, now you want me spraying saline up his nose? Sure. Why not. Jeff's home. He can help me in this.
Now, during that weekend, Olivia was crying that her throat was really sore. I hate to admit it, but we get really irritated with Olivia when she's "hurt" or "sick". She's very dramatic and it's extremely difficult to distinguish between the "real" pain and the it's not in need of dire care pain. A paper cut can render her as dramatic as if she broke her finger. I'm pretty sure that if (and really when) she DOES break an appendage, we're all in for a real treat. I'll probably just find her in shock on the grass out back. Anyway, Sunday she was miserable. But not so miserable that she distracted me from Grady. Monday came, and I went to serve dinner. She came downstairs and just the thought of food going down her throat sent her into gales of wailing, wherein she started to throw up. Good times. And of course, we were as patient as ever with her...which means, we were both really frustrated and couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. So I took her to the MediCenter. Thankfully, this was one time where not only did we get in quickly, the doctor was really good and swabbed her. He gave us a 1/2 prescription of antibiotics just in case it was strep throat and said when the swab came back, if it was positive, we just go get the other half. For the first time ever, I was able to get to the clinic, drop her off at home and get her prescription in under 2 hours. Never happens.
Tuesday morning, the antibiotics had clearly worked. How awesome! She was getting back to normal. Time to breathe again. This has GOT to be the end. Right?
WRONG!
By Tuesday afternoon, I was feeling awful. My throat was getting sore, my sinuses were stuffed up, I was exhausted and just feeling terrible. I drove out to my friends house to do some Tupperware stuff and then came home after seeing my family doctor about some concerns I had and a refill on my anxiety meds.
Wednesday, I was just feeling the worst. Or I thought I was feeling the worst. I didn't realize it was going to get worse. But I sucked it up, went to an allergist appointment that had been made for me to see if I am indeed allergic to penicillin. I learned more than I thought I would. Turns out, part of why I struggle in the gym so much is that I suffer from exercise induced asthma. So, I got a puffer for that. This isn't bad news. This is good news. This means that I'll be able to push it a bit harder and hopefully get past the plateau I've been battling. I'll be able to keep up better with Jeff and the kids while we're hiking. There's all good stuff here. I also have some swelling in my sinuses. So...a spray for that. I went home, new prescriptions in hand, excited to see where this could go. More oxygen to my lungs means more oxygen to my muscles which means more fat burning and yadda yadda yadda. It means I could be in better shape sooner than I thought. It's exciting.
Thursday, both Logan and I were in pain from sore throats. So I called our family doc first thing in the morning and got us in. We were swabbed and sent home. No biggie. I told him that I'd been taking A LOT of paid medication and he said that if it got worse to call in. That's what happened. By 4:30 that afternoon, I was barely able to swallow. I called the pharmacy and she said she'd talk to the doc. He never got the message.
And I didn't get my pain medication.
Thursday into Friday was awful. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, drinking was painful, but could be comforting with hot drinks like coffee and tea with honey. Food with any type of spice was agony. I'm not a whiner when it comes to pain, (Although, Jeff would disagree with you.) and I do have a high threshold for it. I've always been able to maintain the pain of a sore throat through ibuprofen and acetaminophen, so I was very upset that it wasn't working now. Again, I called our family doc because Jeff was getting the sore throat now and we needed to figure out what was going on. I told her we'd all come in because I'd left a message with our doc on Thursday night and he hadn't gotten to me yet.
So we trooped in. I felt kind of bad springing that on him, but he was extraordinarily patient and kind about the whole situation. By the time we left, Jeff had been swabbed, Logan had a prescription for penicillin (it had gotten worse overnight for him as well) and I had two prescriptions for pain medication to help me at least sleep.
The weekend is kind of a blur. I slept all day Saturday, except for 3 hours, and the occasional time I was awake was to get a drink or read. Sunday was a much better day, but I was still in agony from the pain. The painkillers helped, but they only took most of the pain away. The actual damage the infection had done left quite a bit to deal with overall.
Monday I was frustrated because I hadn't heard back from the doc yet. He said that he'd call us over the weekend but never had the chance to. Fair enough, but I had blood now. It was time to see another doc. I went to the MediCenter again. While I was there, he called Jeff and said there'd be a prescription for antibiotics for both of us at the pharmacy in his clinic. HALLELUJHA! I left the other clinic not having seen a doc, which was fine. They were quite happy to have a space open up. It's always very busy there.
Started the course of antibiotics and I'm still fighting it, but we're getting better.
Or so I thought until yesterday when Olivia came home throwing up.
Hello Norovirus. We haven't seen each other in a year. Nice to see you again. Now get the hell out of my home. Of course, I know better. Chances are, Logan will have it in the next couple days, with a sprinkling of Grady in the mix just for spice. I can't predict exactly how it will happen. Given our past few weeks, I imagine it will go somewhere along those lines over the next week. After the weekend, I don't care. I have plans for Saturday and Sunday. Just need the boys to make it past then. I'll even dip them in hand sanitizer so they can be around our friends on Sunday night. LOL
So. Why did I give you the entire week on my blog? Just to bore you? Oh no no no.
Here's the deal. Yesterday, I was sitting on my couch, looking around my house, feeling still down from these bugs. But there is so much to do! Of course, the housework piled up, but THANK HEAVENS for Jeff. While he was home, he maintained the main floor, doing the dishes regularly and sweeping and tidying. He was a Godsend. If he hadn't been home, honestly, I don't know what I would have done. I'm sure there'd be dead cats and flies everywhere. I'd probably wind up on "Hoarders". I really was that sick. I don't get that sick often. This is something that happens every 5 or 6 years, thankfully, but I haven't always had someone there to back me up and help while I was sick. The last time I was this sick was after Olivia was born and man...I couldn't do anything. And that lasted a LONG time. In retrospect, during that time, I should have asked for help. I just didn't know how to.
What happens when we have ADHD is that our homes and lives are already disorganized to the point of chaos. We've tried and tried to clean, tidy, organize, whatever it is we feel we need to do, and yet it never seems to work out the way we want. And even if it does, it never stays that way, whether by our own hand or that of others. We don't want to be doing unpleasant tasks like washing dishes and doing laundry, so it piles up and gets to be such a huge job, we just look at it apathetically and say "Oh well, it will be there tomorrow." And then "tomorrow" comes and it's just worse again.
Yesterday, as I was looking around my home, noting all the things I needed to do, I noticed that my heart rate was rising, I was getting anxious and I was starting to beat myself up. I asked myself what in that moment could help me get past this anxiety.
A list!
I'm not kidding you. Sitting down and writing out the things that needed to be done: dishes, laundry, reorganizing the kitchen, cat litter, and general tidying up. It really did help to have it down on paper. I'd just gotten some new Tupperware to help organize my baking cabinet, and I'm supremely glad I did that. Although, this morning I saw the error of my ways in my organization regarding the sweet stuff when Grady could reach it. Just a "duh" moment. It got me motivated to tidy up my kitchen, and while right now it looks like a bomb went off in there, things are easier to access. I've been working on the laundry. There's rarely a day that goes by that I'm not doing laundry. Not for the fact that I don't do it all the time, but for the sheer fact there are five of us. I doubt that until my kids are out of the house, there will never come a day where one will hear me say "LAUNDRY DONE!" I accept that.
But those are the BIG chores. Those are the ones that NEED to be done daily. There are all the small chores that added up over the past three weeks that I haven't been able to attend to due to illnesses, doctor's appointments and all that good stuff. Like the cat litter. Hopefully, we can skip the stomach flu for the next three days, I can get to the grocery store and get things stocked up tomorrow. Then I can do the litter and get back into keeping it up. The floors need a good sweeping and mopping. The bathroom needs a good wiping down. The front hallway needs a sprucing up. These are all small chores (well maybe not the bathroom, but I DO clean in regularly. Just needs a GOOD cleaning now) that all adds up and adds to the anxiety. Then there are the extras. We're coming upon tax season. Time to gather all that up. I have emails to write to people, I have Valentines Day tomorrow (we're making cards again this year. Just can't seem to get out of the house!) and other commitments I've made for our kids school and such. It all adds up very fast!
Writing it down on a list has helped so much. And then taking that list and putting what needs to have a time on it into my daytimer (Glad to have that back) has made it look a lot more approachable. I can "grade" my tasks according to the importance of that task, kitchen and laundry for instance rank high because I've fallen behind, where the cat litter isn't very high on the list today. It will go up higher in the next day or two. Funny enough, I have four different "journals" going right now. One is my random notes journal. I write down stuff like phone numbers, ideas, lists, etc so that I can reference later, or jot it down into my daytimer or put a number into my phone. I have a new recipe book. I hate having to look through a million books to find that one recipe that works for me, so I just write it down in this book and have it by my computer. I have my "Health Journal". That's helping me keep on track for diet and exercise. It's been incredibly helpful and I've been keeping tabs on my own health, how much I do at the gym, food I eat and even write down any emotions or feelings I'm having that day. I have my parent council book. This is where I write down all my notes for parent council while I'm at the meetings to transcribe into the minutes for the following meeting. Having it all compartmentalized has helped me a lot. I don't get so frustrated looking through a huge notebook of stuff trying to find that one page. I drag the health journal everywhere. LOL I probably look funny at the gym, hauling it around, writing everything down, but without it, I'd never remember what weight I did the day or week before. Perhaps if I could get to the gym more regularly, it wouldn't be such an issue, but in reality, between the amount of time home, the things I think about in the gym and all the stuff I do, I'm never going to remember it all. Ahhh...the pitfalls of getting old.
A lot of it is about perspective. I've been keeping up on most of the daily stuff on a regular basis already (a thing I really had to work at. Let's face it, there are far better things to do than dishes) it's not such a huge job anymore. It's mostly puttering. Just wandering around, seeing what needs to be done and doing it. Finding a place for everything and maintaining that object's space. I hate when I can't find something and I know it has a spot.
So while I have had a horrific month, cleaning up more bodily fluids than I'd ever care to think about, its nice to be able to look back and say "Okay, so all the work I've done in the past few months has paid dividends and it's not going to be so hard to get back on the horse". I have a few big jobs ahead of me, like the laundry, kids rooms and basement, but those are just daily life that got shoved aside so we could heal and get better. Resting, lots of fluids and taking the time to take care of ourselves and our family is far more important than dishes and laundry. I did feel guilty a few times over the weekend and apologized to Jeff for leaving him with all of this, but really, it had to be done. No use in damaging my throat more just for the laundry. It wouldn't have helped me and certainly wouldn't have helped anyone else. A sick, miserable mommy doing housework is misery for all. I just felt bad because it was his rotation off, but I was so incredibly thankful for him and his help.
I had to curse him out a few times though for making me laugh. It hurt!! :)
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