Thursday, March 20, 2014

I Fell Off The Train

Fell off the train is probably not the right way to describe what happened this week.

More like, steered it towards the junk food world, saw all the wonderful, greasy, sweet, tasty food and jumped head first into a huge pile of junk food.  

And it was magnificent.

Of course, my stomach doesn't agree with my brain.  My brain just reveled in the preservatives, grease and cheese, sending wave upon wave of endorphins surging throughout my body, leaving me with a wonderful sense of contentment.

My stomach on the other hand has rebelled.  It has gotten used to home cooking.  It has gotten used to fresh, home made foods.  It likes the fresh veggies and fruits.  It likes the home made chicken dishes.  

I needed this.  I needed a week of just gross food.  

I'm sure there are health nuts out there who disagree with me.  Those of you out there who want to point out to me all the unhealthy chemicals, fats and other terrible things that fast food and soft drinks contain.  

Don't worry.  I'm aware of it.  I read the articles, listen to the news stories.  I'm pretty smart.

Here's a statement I'm sure that most people don't expect.

I chose to do it.

I did.  I love junk food.  I love pizza, hamburgers, chips, pop, candy, cheesecake.  Oh my God.  Cheesecake.  The ultimate temptation.  Cheesecake smothered in cherry pie filling.  I LOVE cherry cheesecake.  AMAZING.  Not good for me, obviously, but oh my...

The differences?

Well, I'm aware of the fact that I chose to eat this stuff.  In the past, I chose to eat entire cheesecakes or pies in a sitting, instead of just a piece or two.  Or I can have chips, but a bowl of them.  Not an entire full sized family bag during a movie.  

I will admit when it comes to the hamburgers, there my willpower sees me pushing it back forcefully.  I love my double cheeseburgers at Burger King and my (gasp) triple cheeseburgers from Wendy's.  Oh, and Wendy's fries.  I ADORE Wendy's fries.  They are just the best.  I like the far better than McDonalds.

That's right people.  I'm a fast food connoisseur.  It's a weakness.  It's tasty stuff, and probably some of the worst food I can eat, but every so often, I just really want a big greasy burger.

This just wasn't a good week.  I haven't really left the house much, except to do a few things at the school, which was fun, then some errands.  Grady's been very difficult, extremely pushy and tempermental.  Monday's anxiety attack just sort of threw me off.  

And it's okay.  It truly is. 

It's okay because I'm aware of it.  I'm totally fully and completely aware of what happened this week.  And it's okay that my house is a *bit* messy.  It's okay that I haven't done what I wanted to get done around the house (primarily laundry) and it's okay that I just wanted to chill out this week.

It's okay because it was good for my mental state.  It's okay because I know that had I pushed myself, I would have been in worse shape for a lot longer in the long run.  That's an issue that so many of us have.  We get into a funk, then we push and push and push to try to be happy, even if it's just not in the cards for that week, instead of taking time to look back and see what's causing the issues and trying to fix it. 

What I did in the past when that happened was eat.  And eat...and eat.  I didn't fix it.  I just ate.

This week, I will get back onto the train.  Or the wagon...whatever analogy you need to give it to make it easier.  And then I'll steer it back towards where I was going before Monday.

In the meantime, no regrets (except for the stomach stuff) and no guilt.  It's a bump in the road and I'm just human.

However, there is still cheesecake in the fridge.  And you can be damn sure I'm going to eat it.

No comments:

Post a Comment