ENOUGH Already!!!

I'm not going to harp on this too much, but as everyone knows, I've been dealing with a lot of weird illnesses these past six weeks.  

Yeah.  I said six weeks.  After the cold, shingles and both boys being sick, I'm onto another "issue".  

I won't go into the description, but I'm tired of all of this crap.  

I eat well, take my vitamins and medications, I'm sleeping quite well and I'm overall fine.  Except for these other things that keep bugging me.  

I want to be in the gym, but one of the issues has been difficult to battle back and is causing me discomfort and taking away my ability to go to the gym.  It's very frustrating.  

However, those are just discomforts.  Things I can handle, things I can deal with.  I have the answers, I just need to apply them.  Which I have...but I need to be a bit more...yes, I'm going to say it...consistent.  

The major issue is my brain.  I can't keep myself from "catastrophizing". 

Neat word, eh?  I learned it my first go-around with counselling.  I have no idea if it's a "real" word, but I think it's a pretty awesome way to describe what can happen in my brain sometimes.  

Here is a good explanation of "catastrophizing". 

"Catastrophizing is an irrational thought a lot of us have in believing that something is far worse than it actually is. Catastrophizing can generally can take two forms."

I do this with regards to my health, and even the kid's health, more often than not.  It's not a healthy thing to do.  It gets my anxiety up and running!

I've written about how anxious I can get about things.  One of the big things is illness.  

When we were trying to get pregnant with Olivia, I made the mistake of over thinking it and researching too many things online.  It became more of an obsession than would be considered healthy.  Of course, I know that many moms who are trying to conceive and have difficulty obsess over becoming pregnant.  I learned that firsthand being online and talking to SO many mothers who had struggled.  Some had just started and others had been at it months, and in many cases, years.  They had tried every single treatment, medication, anything that could help.  And then, I researched them.  I found some very strange methods and ideas.  Anything from natural to medical ways, and everything in between!

Sometimes, when I have a health issue, I'll look it up online and research the treatments.  TOO MANY TIMES, it comes up with "It's a basic...yadda yadda yadda."  And then two lines down "Could also be indicative of cancer."  WTF?  Cancer?  I could have cancer?!  

Then, I have to talk myself down.  I have to bring my thoughts under control.  THEN, I research the cancer it COULD be, and figure out if I should see the doctor or not.

I'm not even kidding about this.  This is how my mind often works.  Or, I should say, over works.  

Now, I'm not one of those people who ENJOY poor health.  It is driving me a bit nuts that I am diabetic, have an anxiety disorder and ADHD, have just finished getting over shingles, a cold and now this new issue.  It drives me to distraction.  I admit, there was definitely a time when I liked the attention.  Now, if I tell you about it, I'm doing it because I want to say "Hey, yeah.  I've been there.  This is what worked for me."  It's not that I don't WANT your sympathy.  I don't mind.  It's okay.  But I'm not doing it for attention.  

I just want to get past ALL of this.  I want to be in the gym.  I want to be working out and losing more weight.  It's been going so well.  I'm SO much more aware of my diet, it's amazing.  I'm not talking small changes.  I'm talking huge, all around, amazing changes.  I think "oh man, I don't want to cook dinner."  Then I go through my options.  I settle onto fast food or pizza and then I realize, I don't want it.  Sure, I still eat ice cream, I had spicy chips last night and regretted that, I still like a burger and fries.  Definitely.  But I CRAVE a salad.  Vegetables.  I have an apple for a snack.  I have yogurt.  I make a peanut butter sandwich and eat that with an apple or banana.  

So, dealing with these health issues do nothing more than bring me down.  They cause me discomfort, irritation, even a bit of difficulty sleeping.  They make my stomach hurt, my chest ache and my brain run.  When I'm exercising, taking care of myself, all is well.  

Granted, when my body wants to do whatever it wants to do, there is often little I can do to change it.  There are some preventative measures, especially for these last two issues, but I won't know for a while if they will work or not.  Just like everything, it takes time.  And just like when I started my journey with ADHD, there is no magic cure.  Just, my least favorite word right now, consistency, maintenance and caring for myself.  

For now, I just march on.  Treating each issue as they come, taking care of myself.  Not overdoing it, just doing what feels good in that moment.  

Thankfully, it's been a long weekend, so I've been able to get some extra rest.  It's good to have one's health in one's hands.  I guess it goes back to one of my earlier posts, researching isn't a bad thing.  Knowledge can be power, for certain.  However, in my case, a little knowledge can be a really bad thing.  I seriously refuse though, to live in ignorance.  Running around with blinders on is as bad as knowing too much.  

Another theme I like?  Moderation.  Moderation is key.