How Irrational

While things are going really well, my anxiety is a bit touchy here and there.  Today, it's really up.  And it frustrates me.  I can't figure out how to get over it today.  I've tried the ways that normally work, but right now, it won't go down.  

My anxiety manifests in chest pain.  That sounds pretty bad, eh?  It's not great, for sure.  It's also come through in stomach upset, but the chest pain is the worst.  It's the worst because my brain doesn't do the "normal" thing and talk me down.  It goes to the worst case scenario, in this case, heart trouble, and then things just go from there.  I've had ECG's and such, and they've always come out normal.  I know how to take my heart rate, and it's around the 80 bpm mark.  That's great!  

When I started my work out this morning, it was a bit high, according to the machine.  Around 112.  Considering I hadn't done anything by that point, besides go to the gym and get Grady into the daycare, I started worrying about my heart.  Is my medication causing issues?  It CAN cause an increase in heart rate, but so long as my heart is good, which by all things, seems to be, then it's all good.  

Of course, this is my rational side of my brain talking.  I have a very rational side.  It tells me the things that I need to know, things that are helpful, but the irrational side is so much louder.  I'm getting better at toning that down and cranking up the volume of my rational side, but today, that's not the case.  

The irrational side just immediately goes to the worst case.  It makes me tired, irritable and difficult to deal with.  I'm not doing it on purpose, and really, I'm fighting it as hard as I can.  It's just not as easy some days as it is others.  

I think it's time to take a bath, read a book, perhaps I'll calm down during that time.  Grady's down for a nap, Olivia's downstairs and Logan's still at school.  What I really want to do is sleep it off.  Sometimes after a nap, I can "forget" the reason for my anxiety, but I have been sleeping so well lately that I don't want to interrupt that with a nap!