Growing up in the Yukon, we were often sheltered from the "outside" world, meaning, anything south of us. I remember having so few channels when we were kids. When we got more channels, the world opened up and I learned there were so many things in the world that interested and inspired me. Some of it was positive, some of it was shallow and negative.
When I was 15, a family friend of ours asked me if I'd like to work for her in a photography department of a local department store. I knew nothing about photography, but I was 15, being raised by a single dad with limited income, and I wanted to make my own money. Babysitting was fine, but it was rarely a regular job. I jumped at the chance, and it opened a world to me that I never knew existed.
Throughout the rest of my teens and into my 20's photography became a passion. It became something I could escape into, and best of all, I was pretty good at it. I spent lunch hours with friends, down by the river or across the street from the store, taking photos of each other, or whatever in that moment caught my attention. I've taken pictures of my various pets, flowers, family, friends, just about anything that I could see through the lens.
As I grew up, I considered it as a profession, but while working at a photography store in Edmonton, I realized that as the digital cameras became so popular and made photography so much easier for everyone, I would have to offer something extremely special to the industry that I wasn't sure I had. Equipment is expensive and I wasn't sure I had the drive to really make it work. I knew so many photographers who worked other jobs, outside of photography, who wanted to make a profession out of it, but necessity made it difficult for them. And the professional photographers I knew weren't always doing the type of photography they wanted to do. It's a difficult industry to break into. As good as I am, I'm not made for the professional photography world. I'm not as driven and motivated as most of the photographers I knew were. I admit, I was a bit jealous.
But I had the support of friends and family. One of the biggest complements given to my was from my father when he told me that I just saw the world differently than other people. I look at a piece of fruit and see art in it. I look at a landscape and see nothing but beauty. As much as I liked taking pictures of people, nature is my real passion and inspiration for my photography.
After I had children, my photography fell by the side. It still remains a huge passion for me, and I express it most often through the photos I take of my children. They are such bundles of life, love and beauty. Their expressions show everything under the moon, because they are uninhibited and free to express their emotions through their faces and actions. My cats suffer under the glare of my lens as well. Cats can be so spastic and interesting to watch. They amaze me with their abilities to hunt, rest and play.
My main inspirations now? My family.
My kids make me want to be better. They inspire me to take care of myself, focus on my own well-being. I just want to watch them grow. I want to watch them develop their own lives, personalities, relationships. I want to watch with pride, as they move forward in their lives, celebrating their accomplishments and being there to pick them up when they fall. It's because of Logan and my own past experiences in school that I went to the doctor about my ADHD. I want to be able to help him. I don't want him to feel the same way I felt in school. If I can prevent any struggles and be there when he needs to talk, it is so important to me to be there for him. My daughter, I want to inspire her to be confident, happy and intelligent. I don't want her to be sucked into thinking that the only thing she has to offer are her looks. She's a very smart little girl, stubborn and strong willed. I want her to take those traits, hone them and be a strong woman, able to inspire her own future daughters. My boys need me to be strong and capable, and they need to be taught how to respect women, love them and be good men. Of course, Jeff plays an important role in all three children's lives, but seeing my own role in their lives, regardless of their genders, is incredibly important. I want them to be critical thinking, intelligent, caring, compassionate, confident individuals. And these are traits I and Jeff need to be examples of in our own daily lives.
My husband. After 16 years, all I can say is that he has been my inspiration for our entire relationship. He's nothing but encouraging and supportive. Because of him and his family, I hiked the Chilkoot Trail, taking beautiful pictures, pushing limits I never knew I could push, leaving me with memories I will never forget. I followed him into University, and while I wasn't successful, I don't regret going. It gave me a taste of the outside world besides my little world in the Yukon. He has always encouraged my photography, buying me equipment, patiently viewing hundreds of photos. Probably thousands.
His most recent contribution to my life has been his injuries.
That sounds a bit strange, doesn't it? Well...he is a mountain biker. And he's incredibly passionate about it. Right now, he's training for a race in July. Having a husband who loves biking means there will be injuries. But Jeff, while he injures himself often, is not a big fan of blood. He gets dizzy and turns white. He's incredibly tough and has a high threshold for pain, but blood is his, shall we say, kryptonite. He has no choice in the matter, his body just doesn't take it well. He was raised by a nurse, and he tells me of the many times his mom scrubbed out wounds taken from his stunts.
Well, it looks like it's my turn. Oddly enough, I'm fine with it. After three kids, many bruises, bumps, scrapes, bumped lips, bumped heads...illnesses, mucous, vomit. Not much phases me anymore.
I've always jumped from idea to idea as to what I want to do with my life. At 34, I still had very little idea of what I wanted to do. My husband and my mother in law would ask me what I wanted to do after Grady went to school. Up until this past year, I pooh poohed it, saying he was too young.
I knew one thing for sure though. I did not want to go back to retail. As much fun as it was, as many friends I made, as many good memories I have, I just don't want to go back to retail.
Last summer, it all changed when I picked Jeff from a mountain bike ride from the side of the road, bloody down both arms. I looked at them, cleaned them up as best I could and wrapped them in a diaper. We didn't have a first aid kit! Not even a bandaid! We drove into Calgary, picked up the needed supplies and I dressed his wounds in the parking lot of Walmart. When we arrived back in Edmonton, he went to the ER to get stitches. I have heard a few times from people, "You should be a nurse." but I never thought much of it. It's a lot of schooling, and I don't have the focus and patience. It would probably just be a waste of money. After Jeff was hurt, I was watching TV and there was a commercial for LPN's here in Alberta. I jumped on that. I looked up the schooling, it is only 2 years. I can do quite a bit of it through distance education.
So...what held me back? The anxiety. The fear of starting and not finishing. Being a disappointment to my husband, my family. But I want to do it so badly. When we started investigating Logan's attention difficulties, I realized that I needed to do the same for myself. After the ADHD diagnosis, things didn't seem to difficult anymore. I know I'm smart enough, I know I have the compassion to be a good nurse, I know that I can talk with people in any situation. I also know now that part of the choice comes from the ADHD. Being a nurse will be exciting. It will be thrilling, inspiring, exciting. I know that it's not all of that, and that there is a lot of paperwork and such, but I know that there will be days where I will never sit down, will be helping people. That excites me beyond belief. It rather shocks me how excited I am about starting out on a journey that will take me to something that I will be passionate about.
For now though, before I can start all of this, add it to my life, I need to focus on getting my strategies into place. Learning organization, teaching myself how to calm down in any situation where my anxiety might arise (oddly enough, I doubt it will be an issue if I become a nurse) and come to a place where I can be confident in myself, my abilities and my life.
The best part is that I can see it coming. I can see all of this now, because I know that when I go to school, I can tell the instructors and counselors that I struggle with ADHD and I need support. I can reach out and take advantage of the resources offered to me. They are there to help me succeed!
Sometimes, inspiration comes from the places you least expect! I never thought my husband's wounds would be where mine came from!
No comments:
Post a Comment