It came to mind today as a blog post because I was talking to a lady today regarding being consistent with removing the soother from a child.
Grady is turning three next month, and he still has a soother. He can talk quite clearly with or without it, it doesn't seem to hinder him much and really, it keeps him calm and quiet. It's more a convenience now rather than a need, but I figure, he's happy, I'm happy. I know it has to go soon though. He's SUCH a big kid. He's the average weight of some four year olds, wears clothing in the size 3-5 category and it looks strange.
So, we try to take away the "soo soo". We tell him "You can have your soo soo when you go to bed." There are times when we are free with the soo soo. Like in the grocery store when you just want him to be quiet. Or in the car when he's screaming blue murder because he's tired, bored, thirsty, hungry, or any of the other multitude of reasons a 2 year old uses a soother, like his sister touched him. My other kids are thumbsuckers, so it's a more difficult task breaking them from that. You can't just cut off their thumbs. I also find the idea of some of the barbaric ways you can manage to get your kid to give up their thumb rather distasteful. Cribs in the mouth with pokers? If it's not good to get those chokers that has the prongs for a dog , why should I put pokers in my child's mouth?! Hot sauce? My kids love that stuff. We've tried bandaids, gum, whatever doesn't seem cruel, but the other options are just simply not options for us. At least with Grady, we can just one day take it away.
My resolve always weakens though. He gets hurt, he comes to me for hugs and kisses, then gets his soo soo. He's tired, he comes for hugs and kisses, cuddles and of course, soo soo...then he wanders off with them, and I forget he has it. I do admit, I take it away when he's happy and just chattering away. There's something weird about him talking through the soother with that weird, wet sucking noise it makes while he's talking. And he will give it up happily more often than not, simply because he knows he will get it back eventually.
Punishing the kids has always been a difficult thing as well. When I was in my crazy, anxiety ridden state, before meds and counselling, I was a wreck. I'm going to admit something very bad. And difficult to admit...especially considering people know me as a completely different person. I hid it. I hid it very very well. I'm good at pushing the bad down and letting it fester until it blasts out of me. And it was VERY unhealthy.
I was a bad mom for a while. I really was. And I'm not saying this because I did horrible things to my kids, but I was mean. I yelled in the face of my three year old (Logan) more than once, punched and smacked walls, screamed and yelled like nobody in the world could hear me. It was awful. I felt awful. I look back on those days with regret and guilt, but at the same time, I know that when I realized how bad it had gotten, I went to get help before it got worse. And that's what I'm most proud of. I'm not proud of screaming in my three year old son's face. I'm not proud of screaming and yelling, throwing things like a 2 year old tantruming. I'm not proud that the safest place for my children wasn't always in my arms, but in their rooms, while I sat in the living room or my bedroom, trying to calm down from the latest freak out. I got help. I made myself stronger, I learned how to control myself and I calmed down. I learned how to cope with my anxiety and I learned how it doesn't have to affect my family or control my life. I got help.
I got help.
Those words make me smile. I'm not a mean person. I will do whatever it takes to teach my kids only the most valuable and good life lessons. I will do whatever I can to help a friend in need. I will do whatever I can to make sure that a person leaves my presence, feeling good and like they've had a good conversation. And with the help of my medication and therapy, I've been consistent in that.
Now, when disciplining the children, I take the time to think out the punishment best suited and one that will be remembered. That's not always easy. The hardest part is when I give a time period that it will be take place in, I have to stick to that. So if I take Logan's DS away for two weeks, it's TWO WEEKS. Not a week, and then on the weekend, he's bored, so I give it back. (I've done it...) Now, it's TWO WEEKS. I mark it on the calender for his edification and my own. It's been good. He's figuring things out now. Grady's becoming easier to deal with by the day with our consistency in his discipline (bedroom for tantrums, etc) and is getting easier to deal with in public as well. Olivia just needs to be calmed down when it comes to her attitude and emotions. Telling her to breathe is the easiest thing to do. If that doesn't work, then she has to go to her room and calm down there.
With the other less important things, like housework, life outside of the house, I'm inconsistent. I can do housework like it's nobody's business, but never consistently. My house is in a constant state of disarray and clutter, but it's okay. It's not filthy dirty, my cats don't crap in any other place than their litter boxes, so there's a little food on the floor, there's toys and dust...but it's home. I'll clean when there's something important to REALLY clean for.
I'm feeling really good about my consistency with the gym. Sure, for the first while, it was difficult to motivate myself, but once in the swing of things, it got to be something I really enjoyed. I missed days, but I always went back. I never did that when I had past memberships. I'd go for a week or two, then miss a few days, give up. I've realized how important it is to take a bit of time for me now. Grady's almost 3, he's very confident and happy, loves other kids and has no issue in childcare. Olivia is in Kindergarten, loves her class and teacher and is doing well. Logan is very independent, not always in need of me and can be trusted to entertain himself on a regular basis. I'm not on 24/7 duty any more with regards to baby needs. My kids are able to entertain and play by themselves and that feels good. I've raised healthy, secure children.
Food consistency will probably always be difficult. With three kids, I admit, fast food is just easier. But I like to cook and when the bug bites me, I can get some pretty awesome stuff made, all from my head. In the summer, we eat a lot of bbq'ed steaks, chicken, ribs, and I add veggies. It's so easy. The winter, it's harder for some reason. More dishes to clean after, I guess.
So obviously, I have a long way to go when it comes to consistency. I'm improving by the day, trying hard to be mindful of what needs to be done and whether or not I need to be looking at it as a daily thing, like the gym, diet or housework. I'm sure scheduling and making time for these tasks will become easier, and with the addition of my return to school, will become necessary in the future. For now, I'm just sort of riding along, by the seat of my pants.
And that's okay too.
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