Overwhelmed

The title of this sounds so much like it's going to be a negative post.  But it's not really.  It's mostly just going to be a post about what happens in my brain, like on a morning like today.  And how easily it can overwhelm me if I don't break it down in pieces.  How I deal with it!  

I woke up this morning thinking about the multitude of tasks I need to accomplish today.  Cat litter, laundry, dishes, bathroom, general cleaning and I am helping a friend out with her three little ones who are coming to play with Olivia and Grady.  The little kids are wonderful!  They are the sweetest little kids and I doubt it will be difficult.  The chores though, I'm having a bit of difficulty with motivation.  I also know that once I start, I will get plenty done.  But first, I need to start.  It is a PD day for our school, so we're down a kid, he's sleeping over at his buddy's house for a birthday.  Add to it that my parents arrive in Edmonton this evening, we start swimming lessons for all three kids tomorrow and Logan's party is in the afternoon.  After that we're going out for dinner with my parents, it's a lot to absorb, especially with how this past week has been.

My day starts with a loud little voice coming out of his bedroom "Let me out of here!  Mommy!  Daddy!  Hug me!"  Once he said "Hug me!" I was out of bed getting him.  He sounded so sad.  And he has a cold.  Olivia came up, got Grady and brought him downstairs to watch TV.  He got into the fridge and took out an entire box of Iogo tubes.  So, then I had to officially get out of bed.  

So far, I've made my coffee, fed the kids and then sat in front of my computer wanting to post something.  

I do have other things on my mind.  Important things, but things I can't deal with today.  I really want to go back to school soon.  But the big question is, can I do it through distance education or should I go back into a classroom?  The first course I want to take, a math course, it's through distance education, and I'm fairly certain I can do that easily.  The next three are Biology and two anatomy courses.  Then I get into the proper programming.  

Distance Education seems a bit daunting to me.  My focus lacks in so many areas, but when I apply to the school and explain my situation, I'm hoping they will be willing to assist me and work with my difficulties.  I'm certain they will, but of course, the worry wart in me rears it's ugly head and I have cope with the worries, while trying to work out the solution.  I can make time easily in the evenings, and perhaps we can look into a couple days of daycare for Grady in order for me to get time to go to the library, or stay home and do work.

If I need to go into the classroom, then other complications arise.  We have a time frame for me to work in, and it's basically because we really want Jeff to come home and work.  Right now, the plan is for me to take until Grady is in Grade 1 so that I can be in the classroom by term 3.  Logan will be in Grade 7 and will be able to bring his siblings home from school and be alone for a couple hours if need be.  

I think, however, we're becoming a bit more eager to get Jeff home.  I know Jeff is tired of being up north all the time, and I know that oftentimes I wish he were home more often too. But if I go into the classroom sooner than planned, then we need to arrange childcare.  And that gets expensive.  Full time care for a toddler starts around 700$ and go as high as 1020$.  That's a bit much for us, even though Jeff does well.  

I'm thinking we need to find a compromise.  Perhaps I start, Grady goes into part time care, two days a week, and when he's in pre-kindergarten, we investigate him being in after school care for pre-k and kindergarten.  

Funny how putting this all in writing looks like a lot.  It's actually almost overwhelming to see it down on a page.  But it's also oddly soothing.  There are many other things that run through my brain, like how we want to buy our condo, how we can do that, and then all the little things.  Sometimes, I can shut out other stuff and focus on one or two things and then suddenly, one of the kids brings up something small, like a field trip or Jeff talks about the condo, and suddenly I tailspin.  It's like I get full up with thoughts and I can't take one more.  I know we all feel that way though.  I blow up sometimes when the extra stuff bombards me.  I am sort of like "I can't take one more thing!"  But then I breathe, work it out, split it up and go on to the next thought.  

It's day by day and with my diet and exercise changes, I have already been making positive progress.  With blogging, therapy and the medications, I can only do better and move up with life.  And that feels good.