"I Don't Know How You Do It!"

Many times in the past seven years, I've heard from other moms, "I don't know how you do it.  I couldn't do it on my own like that!" 

When someone says to me, "I don't know how you do it!"  I tell them, "I get up, take my meds, get my coffee and move forward for the day!"  They chuckle, because it's a joke.  

But it's not.  I really do that.  Every single day.  When I say it, I say it with a laugh, because I need to joke about it.  I need to make light of some of what I go through because there are days I don't know how I do it.  I don't wake up in the morning and say "Okay, this is how the day is going to go..."  I wake up saying "I wonder what today will bring me...."  Which makes life exciting.  But it makes life scary sometimes too.  I say that because I have children, and they are active, happy, inquisitive, fun kids.  However, a lot of the time, I wake up not knowing how my day will go because I don't know how I will be that day.  That's tough on everyone in our home, not just me.  

It's going to be a case of learning how to almost live again.  I can make changes, but I'm terrible at maintaining the changes.  My lack of willpower will pop up occasionally and then I get pouty if it doesn't go my way.  I get over it pretty fast though, so I guess that's a good thing.  The pouty thing sure isn't though.  I look like an idiot then.  A 34 year old woman, pouting.  Sheesh.

I'm not saying this to make anyone feel bad for me.  Or feel bad for what they say.  I'm awesome at smiling and nodding or saying politely, "I'm very lucky to have a husband who is able to help, even from a distance."  And they are right...it isn't easy.  I struggle a lot, day to day, on my own.  I'm extremely thankful for the fact that I have a husband willing to be so helpful, honest and understanding.  He makes things that overwhelm me easier to deal with. I know he gets frustrated and upset with me often over the mental and health issues, but he never makes me feel like it's terrible for him.  I'm positive it's not easy, but he manages it with grace and dignity.  And humor...always with humor.  He calls me "Drugs Bunny" and talks about my pill "breakfast" I take daily.  He makes me smile and laugh!